what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
