I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
