My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
