In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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