Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
