So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
