I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
