plz talk dirty to me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
