Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
