he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
