it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
