Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
