Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And then he peed in my hair
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