who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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