i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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