I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
