It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
