So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
