Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
