the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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