in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
