I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
