I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
a search helicopter?!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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