And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
