I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
