Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
