for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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