I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
