then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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