my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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