its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
