I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
