I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
