I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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