A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
