How'd it feel making her break her religion?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
