you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
