I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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