Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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