dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
