everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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