Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
