Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
