the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
