idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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