just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
