I wish my penis had an off switch
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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