Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
