you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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