this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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