hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
