there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
