BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
