Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His nipple licking is glorious
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