he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
