cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
